The Metaphorical Meatloaf

  • Pin It
  • print
  • email to a friend

The Metaphorical Meatloaf

By Andrea Goto

I don’t like meatloaf.

My issues stem from my childhood. I came of age during the school hot-lunch era that operated on the premise of quantity over quality. It was a decade of fillers. Cooks hid chunks of bread in the mac-and-cheese and stuffed gigantic marshmallows anywhere they’d fit. Friday’s meatloaf was last week’s reconstituted leftovers.

At home, my parents insisted on off-brand cola and generic cereals—the kind sold in bags the size of pillowcases instead of colorful boxes with cartoon characters and a maze on the back. When Dad went on strike, Mom took a lesson in conservation from the lunch ladies, regularly serving up Spam—the queen of all composites—and her close cousin, meatloaf. Consequently, my palate is still uneasy when it comes to conglomerates.

My husband, however, has a healthy relationship with meatloaf. Hailing from a more financially secure past than I, he finds deep comfort in particlemeat glazed with tangy ketchup. So when I came across Paula’s recipe for Bacon Cheeseburger Meatloaf, I saw my opportunity to give him some happy while possibly making my peace with geometric meat.

You see, some people dream in black and white; some dream in color. I dream in bacon cheeseburger. And while I prefer purebred to hybrid—I like my coffee black and my hotdogs all beef—I am willing to bet that if I close my eyes and chew, Paula’s Bacon Cheeseburger Meatloaf won’t disappoint. Even a pureed bacon cheeseburger reformed into a brick is better than no burger at all.

With this in mind, I easily (easily, I say!) combine the ingredients, and begin massaging the gooey clump. It’s oddly satisfying to squish the stuff between my fingers. I even take time to sculpt a head with snowman-like features—smiling, of course. I think about running it through my daughter’s Play-Doh Fun Factory, but my fingers numb too quickly.

The recipe doesn’t come together without incident. When I forget to toast the breadcrumbs, I spend 30 minutes picking them from the mixture grain by grain, which is like trying to de-lice an alley cat with chopsticks. I don’t think to spray the loaf pan, so the cheese burns to the edges, making extraction nearly impossible. I spoon out what I can salvage in clumps, reducing the four-serving dish to a two-person hors d’oeuvre.

I reluctantly take a bite (my entire portion) and discover that it’s not bad, and would probably be much better had someone else made it. It’s at this moment that I realize that meatloaf is so much more than the trash compactor I had imagined it to be. Back in the day they stuffed it with eggs, crumbs, dust and pebbles, but Paula’s forward thinking has helped this dish evolve. Her meatloaf serves as a catchall for all things good in this world—like bacon cheeseburgers.

Andrea Goto lives and writes in Savannah, Georgia. Her kitchen experiments (known as “cooking” in more conventional homes) most often end with a mushroom cloud of smoke or a call to Poison Control. In spite of this, she’s deeply loved by her husband who prefers neon-colored cereals to all foods homemade, and her 4-year-old daughter who will eat almost anything, as long as you call it “chicken.” Need more Andrea? Follow her at www.andreagoto.com.

Read More From The Culinary Coward.

You May Also Like These Articles:

You May Also Like These Recipes:

Leave a Comment

Reader Comments:

I have made this meatloaf and it was a big hit so when we were have my son-in-law and his family for dinner I made this in a supper size portion… 5 pound meatloaf thinking I would have left overs for a week…never under estimate how much 5 growing boys and six adults and 2 little ones can eat… my granddaughter who was 1 1/2 at the time couldn’t get enough and my picky 4 year old actually ate seconds…it is so yummy and has become a family favorite!!

By Christina Scott on March 30, 2010

I am with Andrea on the meatloaf front - not my favorite dish.  But put bacon and cheese on ANYTHING and I am pretty sure I will love it.  And if Andrea can come this close to success, I bet I could manage wink!  Thanks for the recipe - we have a freezer full of ground beef looking for a purpose!

By Erica on March 01, 2010

I have always felt the same way bout meatloaf.  My husband and everybody else says ymmm, but I always think about that taste from the past.  I will surely try this and make everyone happy.

By Jackie Butler on March 01, 2010

oh my lanta!! I LOVE meatloaf ... and I LOVE cheese!! i am absolutely gonna make this for my roomies on friday!! <3

By courtney on March 01, 2010

My Recipe Box |

Paula's Upcoming Schedule

  • August 1: Deen Family Book Signing

    Join the Deen Family for a Book Signing at The Lady & Sons from 10 am to 12 pm.
    The event is free; 350 wristbands to be distributed starting at 9 am.

  • August 6: Paula Deen Live! San Antonio, TX

    Come see Paula’s live show at the Majestic Theatre in San Antonio, TX and get a heaping helping of Paula’s recipes, and some good old-fashioned fun and laughter!
    Visit TicketMaster for ticketing information.
    Sponsored by Springer Mountain Farms.

  • August 8: Paula Deen Live! Savannah, GA

    Come see Paula’s live show at the Lucas Theatre in Savannah, GA and get a heaping helping of Paula’s recipes, and some good old-fashioned fun and laughter!
    Visit the the Savannah Box Office or call 912-525-5050 for tickets.
    Sponsored by Springer Mountain Farms.

  • View Paula's Full Schedule