Ill-Suited for Life

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By Andrea Goto

Twelve years ago, my mom bought me a suit. I was 22, a recent college graduate and had just been hired for my first real desk job, which was about as real as All-Star Wrestling. She called it my “power suit.”

“Every woman should have a red suit,” she declared as I unwrapped the suit on Christmas morning. It was wool and fire-engine red with built-in shoulder pads. When I put it on, I felt like the center for the Kansas City Chiefs.

Growing up, my mom defined ‘90s businesswoman chic. She wore department store suit sets, silk blouses, gold Anne Klein earrings, neutral hose and Joyce pumps that she called “timeless.” She spritzed on Red Door perfume and shielded herself from the world with a hair-helmet lovingly cemented with Aqua Net. People treated her like a senator’s wife because she looked the part. Before she left for work, she’d strike a model pose in front of her full-length mirror and click her tongue approvingly.

I wanted to grow up to be just like my mom but I didn’t know exactly what that meant. Mom had been in sales most of her life, and I too imagined myself as a corporate 9-to-5 something-or-other—someone in a corner office of a high rise with an administrative assistant taking my calls. Someone people listened to. Someone important. Someone in a red power suit with Joyce pumps.

After college I worked an unfulfilling desk job for three years. I answered phones, filed papers and watched the second hand slug around the clock. I dressed nice and people respected me enough, but I didn’t respect myself. I didn’t respect the work I produced. I never donned the red suit. Not once. The red suit seemed like something reserved for a real businesswoman, whereas I was merely acting the part.

I could have returned it. The tags were still attached. It didn’t fit in with the rest of my clothes; instead it hung quietly in the back of my closet. I felt guilty when I saw it there, glowing like the red-light district in a seedy part of town. Guilty because it cost my mom $100. Guilty because I told her that I wore it to every important meeting. Guilty because it reminded me of what I hoped to become but hadn’t yet achieved.

Then one day, with my husband’s blessing, I walked away from my desk. I went back to school, earned a graduate degree and started teaching college courses. Then I had a baby and went back to school to get a second graduate degree and now I’m raising our daughter and making a living teaching and writing. And I do it in jeans and ballet flats. Sometimes I do it in my pajamas. Most importantly, I do it all without the red suit.

Last year, I tried to part with the suit at our garage sale. My friends mocked me when they saw it saying, “Hilary Clinton wants her suit back.” Like “Alf” and Def Leppard, the suit was no longer relevant—its time had come and passed. So I took it to Goodwill and I didn’t look back. I didn’t think much about it at the time, but I did feel a sudden sense of relief when it was gone, as if someone had pulled a nagging, rabid monkey off my back.

Today as I sit down and quietly reflect on what I’ve accomplished in my life and where I’m headed, I realize that the red suit represented the woman I felt I should be, not the one I wanted to be. I wanted to be a wife, a mother, a writer, a teacher. I didn’t want my mom’s 9-to-5 desk job, and she didn’t necessarily want that for me either. Giving me that suit was simply Mom’s way of saying she wanted me to be my best person. Isn’t that what every good mom really wants?

It took me a while to discover that life is about finding fulfillment by opening yourself up to possibilities you never thought possible. I have not accomplished everything I hope to accomplish, but I feel as if I’m headed in the right direction. Mom wasted $100 on that suit—but maybe that just depends on how you look at it. Rather than representing what I wanted to become, the suit showed me what I didn’t want. As far as life lessons go, $100 is pretty cheap—at least I hope Mom sees it that way after reading this.

Sorry, Mom. And more importantly: thank you, Mom.

Andrea Goto swore that she would not let her child watch SpongeBob, take ballet, or consume food with Red Dye #40. Of course, that all changed when her daughter was actually born. Five years later, Andrea blogs about her revised approach to childrearing, which she likes to call Real-World Parenting. Her “technique” is based on commonsense and topped with a big dose of humor. Andrea is a regular contributor to PaulaDeen.com.
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Reader Comments:

54321

The "Red Suit Story" by Andrea Goto really hit home. Her mother was definitely me...the suit, the silk blouses, the earings, the pumps, the neutral hose, the "helmet" hair do and especially the aqua Net, the latter of which I still refuse to give up. And my girls...couldn't convince them to "follow the leader" even though they thought I was the Queen Bee....and I was. I wish they had followed my lead because overall, even though they did ok, I think they would have achieved much more. I think they tired of hearing "just like your Mother". Thanks for your story...I'm working on my great granddaughter...stay tuned!

By Prudence Mathews on August 17, 2011

54321

I'm a guy so call me silly - but oddly enough clothing does have cycles. The suit might need to be altered but someone will wear it. There's something about timeless chic. I watch Mad Men and the men and women in it remind me of my childhood when men wore hats regularly and took them off inside. Women wore all manner of clothing from gloves to in the lats '60's jeans. My grandmother put on a pant suit for the first time in the early '70's. She hated it - she was 72 - and then it grew on her - just as it had women in the '20's in the 1940's. My aunt, her daughter-in-law is a timeless beauty. She's 82 now and she still dresses impeccably when she wishes to do so. I'm sorry - and no offense - but women today - many of them don't have that same chic respect. Bare midriffs, muffin whatever they are pants. Sure they're sexy - but so are capris pants. Men today don't look as chic either. There's something about a nice golf shirt, a great, tailored suit on a man - we look better in them. I'm sorry - I know it wasn't the point of the article - but I think a bit of skin but not too much, tailored but not so much as to leave nothing to the imagination - timeless fashion is just that - timeless. Chanel did it right and so did the American men's and women's fashionistas that followed her. I agree with the author's money - timeless fashion is beautiful. Sure we need to update the fabric and cuts but there's a reason my friend could give some of her '60's era clothing to her granddaughter - because it looked great then - and some of it looks great now.

By Kevin H on August 16, 2011

54321

is wonderfull have a great mom,congratulations !

By mercedes fayad posadas on August 12, 2011

54321

You have the BEST mom! She always looks like a million dollars, and she really does (and always has) only wanted for you all the things that you want most. I wish I had seen the red suit, but I can absolutely picture it. Obviously, you are doing exactly what you were meant to, and are AMAZING.

By Erica on August 11, 2011

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Paula, I love watching you and your family. I miss seeing your show, I watched you everyday. My son lives in Charleston S.C. He took me to the Lady & Sons to eat. Oh my goodness! People are always telling me that I look just like the cooking lady Paula Deen. I always tell them that you are my hero. May God Bless You Mary Ann
Mary Ann Tharp in A Summer of Burgers on August 15, 2014 at 10:48 pm

Add a few spoonfuls of parmesan cheese to the flour and cornmeal breading and it kicks the tomatoes up another notch. Bev
in Crispy Fried Green Tomatoes on August 15, 2014 at 10:33 am

I just bought Paula's Peach Salad Dressing and wondered if anyone has a good recipe that they use it in?
Melissa in Taste Testing 101 on August 13, 2014 at 8:36 am

Congrats Bobby. Loved the family picture miss you Paula on TV will be watching online. Jack is getting big. Looks like his mom but Matt aka moose has your face. Your eyes cheeks hair even falls to his face like yours except to the left. Good luck on your next venture. You give us other 60+ yr women strength to move on. Keep up the good work.
Carol Bryant in Love at Last on August 11, 2014 at 6:12 pm