How quickly should I respond to an invitation?

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How quickly should I respond to an invitation?

By Cindy Edwards

If you have ever given a party or planned a wedding, then you truly appreciate the many hours of preparation that go into a successful occasion. Knowing how many people to expect is key to orchestrating the perfect party or event.

Let’s back up for a bit and remember what we know about being polite: Quite simply, it is behavior that seeks someone else’s comfort before that of your own.

A hostess spends many hours planning her event: setting the date, selecting the menu and finalizing her guest list. It is a special occasion for her and her guests. Numbers are crucial to the success of her party. After all, she gave serious thought to including you and you should show respect and consideration for her by responding quickly.

Quickly means as soon as possible. Therefore, check your calendar and make arrangements in order to attend or regret promptly if you know that you will not be able to attend.

How should I reply?

Reply in the same manner that you were invited.

If…

… your neighbor calls and invites you and your husband over for a barbeque, you may accept or regret immediately. Or, check with your spouse and call back in a day or two. I recommend checking with the spouse first!

… you receive a beautiful invitation in the mail with a phone number and a deadline for reply, please check your schedule and reply quickly in the manner requested. The same courtesy should be extended to an invitation that lists an email address. Of course, make sure that you reply before the deadline. Keep your message or call brief, and do not feel obligated to give an excuse or explanation for a regret.

… you receive a formal invitation the requires a formal written response, follow the form or style of the invitation. If it reads:

Mr. and Mrs. John Edward Doe
request the pleasure
of your company
for cocktails and dinner
Friday, the third of June
at half past seven o’clock
234 Shadow Brook Lane
Savannah, Georgia
R.S.V.P.

Note: R.S.V.P. is an abbreviation of the French phrase “respondez s’il vous plait”, which is a request for your reply. I have seen it in all caps (RSVP) and with periods (R.S.V.P.) in several different etiquette books. It may also read “the favor of a reply is requested” or “please reply”.

Simply pull out your informal note cards or your beautifully engraved half sheet stationery and pen the following response spaced in the same manner as the invitation:

Mr. and Mrs. Anthony Michael Watson
accept the kind invitation of
Mr. and Mrs. John Edward Doe
for cocktails and dinner
Friday, the third of June
at half past seven o’clock
234 Shadow Brook Lane
Savannah, Georgia

If you need to regret, it would read:

Mr. and Mrs. Anthony Michael Watson
regret that they are unable to accept
the kind invitation of
Mr. and Mrs. John Edward Doe
Friday, the third of June

Note: It is not necessary to repeat the date, time and place of the event in a regret, but it is nice to repeat the specifics in an acceptance so that the host is confident that you have the correct date, time and place.

What if…

… your plans change? Inform your host as soon as possible. You should only change a yes to a no for a very good reason. Only change your response if it is unavoidable and do so as soon as you know. An illness, death or professional conflict is an appropriate excuse.

… you have out-of-town guests or want to bring a date? Consider the invitation. If it is for you and a guest, it would be fine to notify the hostess of your guest and bring him/her to the party. However, it is just not acceptable to ask to bring someone extra. If you inform the hostess that the reason you are regretting is because you have houseguests, she may extend the invitation to your guests. But, if she is working with tight numbers, do not expect this inclusion and bow out gracefully.

… you can go, but your spouse cannot? Use your judgment. If you receive a casual invitation from your best friend inviting you and your husband to come over for dinner on Friday night and only one can make it, you should explain the conflict. She will either ask you to come alone or she will offer to include you another time. You just simply follow her lead. If the invitation is for a more formal or seated dinner, I would probably regret and try not to complicate the situation.

As always, thanks for reading!

Properly yours,
Cindy

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Reader Comments:

It is so important to reply to an invitation quickly. Thank you for this great information.

By Anonymous on March 11, 2012

I found this article very interesting. It always frustrates me when people do not bother responding or they respond and have no intention of attending. I always try to respond immediately. I know how much hard work goes into planning.

By Lisa Adams on February 12, 2012

Cindy, Enjoy reading your articles as they are very informative and provide many great suggestions. Keep up the good work.

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By Poker Online on January 09, 2012

Thank you for the information. When I get an invitation I always respond immediately. I also write the date I RSVP'd on the invitation. It drives me crazy when people don't respond to an invitation I have sent out. I think it's important to always put RSVP on an invitation rather than "regrets only". If you don't get accurate responses you have no idea how many guests you will actually have. I live in Washington state so things may be done differently in the west versus the south. By the way, your husband took excellent care of my daughter when she was pregnant. Please thank him again for me!

By Julie Emery on July 29, 2011

I wish everyone would read this article. I can't believe how many people don't bother responding to an invitation. Great information!!

By Beth Lynah on July 12, 2011

I am glad I can share this with my wife. I was always a bit confused about how to respond in kind. love your blog!

By Linton "Bubba" West on July 06, 2011

I think your advice to follow the lead of the hostess is great. Whenever we entertain, I give careful consideration to the mix of our guests. It shows respect to the hostess and her time and effort. One thing I find helpful is to place a check mark and the date I have responded next to the RSVP on the invitation. This is especially useful to me during the holidays when we are all so busy and little details can be forgotten.

By Tiffany on July 03, 2011

I have always been curious about the proper way to respond to invitations. There seems to be many different opinions on how to respond. I find this article very helpful and will share with my daughter. She is at the age where she is receiving multiple invitations to many different occasions. Thanks so much for your excellent article!

By sherry on June 29, 2011

I find this article very timely having just spent last weekend having ten teenagers at my house for a spend the night party. Only four mothers let me know ahead of time if their daughters were coming. I finally had my daughter text (their favorite form of comunication) if the others were planning to come to the party as well as spend the night. After multiple calls to confirm everything, I felt so much better and could finally enjoy my own child's birthday party. People need to relearn what my mother has always taught me. Manners are very important and be considerate of others.

By tera on June 29, 2011

Having just hosted a large party, we had to call 15plus couples to confirm if they were coming to the party. I feel that most people are unaware of the amount of planning and costs that go into planning a party. The stress became more bearable once we knew our true numbers. Thanks for letting the world know the importance of RSVPING.

By tracey on June 29, 2011

Cindy, Again, great article with useful information. And thank you for pointing out that RSVP means please reply, whether yes or no. Keep them coming!

By Jamie on June 24, 2011

Cindy -- my sister (and your neighbor!) Cathy Dunn shared with me your blog and I enjoyed reading it! My husband and I are "newly southern" as we recently purchased and just finished renovating a home in Bluffton SC. Therefore, I am interested in reading or experiencing anything and everything southern. Also, it is such a comfort and so nice to be able to spend time with my sister when we visit our southern home! We only wish we could spend more time in your lovely part of the world. Maybe when we retire....or semi-retire. I recently had John and Cathy over to our southern home and made my first ever batch of grilled South Carolina barbeque chicken. My recipe was from The Food Network magazine (I'm a huge fan of all things Food Network) and everyone enjoyed it. Now, if John would only school me in how he makes his yummy Low Country Boil - I might even throw around a "y'all" or two.

By Karen Parks on June 24, 2011

Thanks for such a great, succinct guide to this issue. I will be passing this one on to my girls. The advent of the digital age is no reason to lose courtesy and respect for others.

By cathy Dunn on June 24, 2011

Thank you for the great information! It is always tricky knowing exactly how to respond to certain types of invitations! This article will be printed off and stored with my "Thank you" notes!

By Marci on June 23, 2011

More great information.

By lynn mashburn on June 22, 2011

Cindy, you are doing a fabulous job with this, as you do with everything you undertake! The material and subjects are so pertinent, and your approach is so appropriate and "dead on!" Keep up this wonderful work. Looking forward to more posts. Sally Parker

By Sally Parker on June 22, 2011

Wonderful info!

By Linda Cauley on June 21, 2011

Cindy, I am hooked on your blog! The topics remind all of us that "there is no excuse for bad manners". Linda Albany, GA

By Linda Cauley on June 21, 2011

Great information!!!!

By Susan Griffin on June 16, 2011

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How quickly should I respond to an invitation?